Create confidence –

I’m good at stopping myself from doing things even before I start because as soon as I have an idea, I switch to… what will someone think, this will be hard work, I’d rather help someone else; self doubt, self-sabotage, and distraction. I get so overwhelmed and end up doing nothing, however, I convince myself I’ve done a lot and the world just sucks… and the cycle continues. The reality is, if I keep doing the same thing and expecting different results, I’m going to be let down every time. When I made the decision to hunt morel mushrooms it was a silly thought… I thought it was silly because it felt unachievable, even though I hadn’t tried. I hadn’t visited any woods at all… none…zero forested areas. But as this years season approached I decided to give it a whirl. Putting as much of the noisy chatter in my head, the “you look like an idiot”, away… I stepped into the woodsy arena and tasted a little self trust. Self trust? Yep… I trusted myself to try something new and to follow through… regardless of the outcome. I found nothing on my first attempt (or so I thought), but I must have planted a seed of hope… because a few weeks later I had the urge to try again. This time… about 20 minutes in I found a morel… and I stood there giddy with excitement and disbelief. I had done it — mission started and completed. Sooo… if I want to “be” something, I have to “be” it… I have to play the part… I have to step into the forest… more than once – 

ok… I can do this ❤

Even with obstacles I can always move forward… 

I’m learning that when I set a goal for myself there will be obstacles, brick walls, U-turns, and many other things, BUT most importantly, there will always be yellow lights (it’s still forward) 🙂 and green lights too. Sometimes it feels like some obstacles are bigger than others… they involve money or time, or things not easily accessible – right here, right now. I find, that can make or break me… “that” situation. The one that is not easily fixed, so now it’s impossible. Now the time thing joins in the mess, lol… instead of seeing it as an opportunity to look at something at entry level… I want to be the CEO now, so… I forget the small actions get me there and the worries of obstacles get me nowhere. So good… my thinking can be sooooo good sometimes (sarcasm) and yes, I’m am grateful beyond words to be able to play it out differently. I don’t want to be right today, I want to be happy. Time is going to pass regardless, so if I spend my time doing the small things in accordance to the big thing I seek – eventually I will get there… the impossibles do happen… only if I take actions towards them… one foot forward… ❤

Choose yourself –

A part of recovery that sucks is death… it’s not easy… but I hear it gets easier – (When? Now?! Because I need that understanding now… this sucks.) One moment you’re connected with someone, you see the hope in their eyes and a heart full of strength for days… but the very next day, you catch wind that they’re gone. Nothing more – just gone… done. Whatever that switch is… it scares the hell out of me. 
The only place I can go right now is in my heart. For me, there is no other emotion that has served me more purpose than Love. 

… please, choose life… choose yourself. 

Don’t stay tiny… Grow

It’s just not. If I would have held onto the idea that I needed to continue on, as is, well… I didn’t… let’s just stick with that for now, instead of others I chose me. I didn’t have a clue what choosing “me” meant… How? Why? So many questions — enough to keep me from getting started… yep I’ve got plenty of excuses too. Either way, when the pain is great enough change is a must – it’s not optional – if I want different results I have to do something different. There is no third door option, so I can stop looking for the exit signs. I finally gave in to my hearts desire… I chose me and my growth. 

It’s not easy to make decisions that are life changing. For me, it’s the fear of the unknown. I mean… the shit that I’m dealing with, now, might just be easier to deal with than something new, right? I can just muscle through this again, right?  Of course I rush to that thinking, it’s what I comfortable with, but wait… hold on…Soooo…I’m comfortable with and I’m good at living in my “stuff”… ok ok… misery? Exactly. I had to roll that one around in my head a few… (I was looking for the other door again) and then I read something that said, it takes the same effort to live in misery as it does to be happy. Bullshit! Right?  Maybe not, I had to face the reality that I hadn’t tried yet… 

One idea that took a toll on my decision making was… what about “them”… my friends, my family, others… you ever notice the pressure we put on eachother? To not change? I’m not even sure we know we’re doing it… change is so difficult to handle, that when someone else does it, it can create problems in us too. Crazy, right? Not only do we stifle ourselves, but eachother too – out of fear. This is where I started to realize I couldn’t  do it anymore… the expectations I place on myself and others — no I’m done — please grow. I will not ask, or expect myself or another, to remain tiny so I don’t have to taste the scariness of change. 

I realize change is not chosen by many, but it’s the path I’m digging on today… growth. We all deserve to grow in our own direction, we just have to choose it – the world needs us.  

For me, for you, for us ❤️

Keep looking –

Don’t wait, don’t create walls… don’t protect – your perception of being understood and your expectation of “constant” are your own… the perfect temperature may never be felt… so don’t wait… stop letting the small pieces slip through your fingers like you can’t feel them. 

If I limit my willingness, I limit my possibilities. Some just need a taste of what you have to offer… consider that a favor, not a heartbreak. 

Either way… you can’t find what you’re looking for, if you’re not looking.

The joy I seek is not found in the last note –

When I listen to music I don’t find myself waiting to hear the last note – I enjoy every high note and every low note — sometimes I dance fast and sometimes slow, but I’m always swaying and singing along. When a song comes on that I’m not feeling – I don’t have to panic or lose all hope, I have a plethora of genres to choose from. Today, I hope to remember that the joy I seek in my life is not found in the last note … it’s found by living in the highs and lows, and swaying to every note I hear – ❤️❤️❤️
Ps – changing the station or putting on a different record is totally acceptable and sometimes necessary — same thing applies to our lives ❤

I love living tiny –

Very grateful — take it or leave it, it’s all up to me. Life is exactly what I decide to make of it. Not just the easy parts – all of it. I can choose to see the moment as happening to me or I can choose to make the moment… so yeah – wow – I’m grateful to be able to say what’s in my heart ❤️

I’ve found gratitude in the tiny things –