It’s just not. If I would have held onto the idea that I needed to continue on, as is, well… I didn’t… let’s just stick with that for now, instead of others I chose me. I didn’t have a clue what choosing “me” meant… How? Why? So many questions — enough to keep me from getting started… yep I’ve got plenty of excuses too. Either way, when the pain is great enough change is a must – it’s not optional – if I want different results I have to do something different. There is no third door option, so I can stop looking for the exit signs. I finally gave in to my hearts desire… I chose me and my growth.
It’s not easy to make decisions that are life changing. For me, it’s the fear of the unknown. I mean… the shit that I’m dealing with, now, might just be easier to deal with than something new, right? I can just muscle through this again, right? Of course I rush to that thinking, it’s what I comfortable with, but wait… hold on…Soooo…I’m comfortable with and I’m good at living in my “stuff”… ok ok… misery? Exactly. I had to roll that one around in my head a few… (I was looking for the other door again) and then I read something that said, it takes the same effort to live in misery as it does to be happy. Bullshit! Right? Maybe not, I had to face the reality that I hadn’t tried yet…
One idea that took a toll on my decision making was… what about “them”… my friends, my family, others… you ever notice the pressure we put on eachother? To not change? I’m not even sure we know we’re doing it… change is so difficult to handle, that when someone else does it, it can create problems in us too. Crazy, right? Not only do we stifle ourselves, but eachother too – out of fear. This is where I started to realize I couldn’t do it anymore… the expectations I place on myself and others — no I’m done — please grow. I will not ask, or expect myself or another, to remain tiny so I don’t have to taste the scariness of change.
I realize change is not chosen by many, but it’s the path I’m digging on today… growth. We all deserve to grow in our own direction, we just have to choose it – the world needs us.
For me, for you, for us ❤️